Couples Therapy
Once, there was a spark…
When you met, you couldn’t get enough of each other. Your eyes locked, and you knew.
Your heart quickened at a phone call. You got goosebumps when you hugged. Your bodies seemed to be drawn to each other like magnets.
The conversations lasted forever, closing down restaurants. You knew each other better than you had ever known anyone.
But now, you’re strangers…
You can’t quite put your finger on when things got disconnected, but they definitely are now.
Each of you says something, yet neither seems to understand. It’s as if you are speaking foreign languages.
Arguments never seem to get resolved; they just turn down to a simmer until they reach a boiling point… again.
You feel more alone than ever.
It all seems impossible to fix…
The arguments are loud and intense. Each of you knows the worst buttons to press, and you push them repeatedly.
So much gets launched at the other: the impossible rules, standards, and ultimatums… and the insults you can never unhear.
Sometimes, on the worst days, you wonder if you even want to fix it.
Love is a muscle memory…
But then… you look at the lives you have built together: the kids, the friends, and the home.
Or, in odd moments, you catch a glimpse of the person you loved… while making a joke, preparing dinner, or singing to a baby.
You notice the curve of a neckline… the top of a shoulder… and you feel a glimmer of love come back to you.
Something is still there – a kernel of hope.
It’s possible to love again. Let me show you how.
We’ll break the communication patterns that leave you both feeling dismissed, rejected, insulted, and defeated.
We’ll build the skills that each of you needs to listen fully and be present with the other.
You’ll gain respect for each other as you acknowledge the value of the other’s feelings and perceptions.
You’ll learn to preserve the love each of you feels.
Listening, respecting, and holding each other again…
We’ll create space for each of you to be heard and vulnerable – to speak all those things you’ve locked inside for so long.
You’ll give voice to the hard feelings you may not know you had: resentment, fear, hurt, or betrayal.
I will help each of you reconnect to your sense of individuality – to return to the things that make each of you happy so that your partner is someone you WANT, not someone you NEED. You’ll learn to value each other’s unique interests and help support them.
If love is there (and it usually is!), we’ll uncover it…
Part of that is establishing routines: gratitude exercises to appreciate it, scheduled time together to grow it, space to allow each other to recognize it, and communication skills to maintain it.
You’ll learn to be thankful for the small things: a helpful hand, a considerate moment with a family member, or presence at a work event.
A loving relationship where each of you feels respected and complete is possible.
However, there are times when parting is best…
There are relationships where the loneliness is entrenched – where betrayal has caused a canyon to emerge, or toxic communication has resulted in contempt beyond repair.
The ending can also be a healing event.
Let me help you separate in a way that respects both of you so that you walk away remembering the humans that felt that first spark, rather than wounded souls recoiling from the last argument.
Leaving can be the most loving thing you do.
And I can help you to do it right. From actually saying the words to one another to the nitty-gritty of the division of assets, my expertise in mediation and therapy will help you sort it out. Together with your attorneys, I can help you create individual homes for yourselves that set up your new, modern family in a place of mutual respect and love of what’s most important.
Love may change, but it is never lost…
Whether you need help igniting the spark or healing when your love changes, let me help you recapture what makes you both feel whole again.
Contact me today for a free 20-minute consultation! (310) 717-4239